How To Be A Girl In A Band

Isn’t it ludicrous how as women we worry ourselves that extra bit more about messing up incase people think we’re just a stupid and naïve? That we don’t know enough? When I got asked to join a band as a vocalist in 2016, that was the first intrusive thought that swamped my brain. Even though that wasn’t the case and the four other guys in my band welcomed me in, I still couldn’t help but feel that way. 

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t at all plain sailing: I got hate comments (mostly from men), there was drama between members and when one of them quit, they also made negative comments about my musical ability, making out that I wasn’t cut out for alternative music but for softer, acoustic songs. It all stung. It’s impossible to pretend comments like that don’t hurt when you know you’re trying your best as a 16-year-old girl just to have a bit of fun and learn about music! I had never claimed I wanted to get famous from my band, but there were still accusations that all I was after was attention floating around the internet and it was incredibly hard to feel like people saw me that way. 

As women we are always having to prove ourselves more than our male peers. We are scrutinised more, examined more. Our screw ups when it comes to performing aren't brushed over, but amplified. All of this gave me some major imposter syndrome and may be enough to make any woman wanting to be part of a band want to run the opposite way. Despite all its difficulties, you can make or be part of an incredible band as a woman; you can learn to deal with any sexist BS that comes your way and by being a part of making music as a woman, you’re helping to destroy those barriers put up for women and you’re tearing apart outdated ideologies and inspiring further generations of girls to create music in ascene that is so male dominated. 

So here’s how you do it:

• Practice, prepare, propose

Before you join or start your own band, make sure you practice until you have a strong ability. Ask yourself: would I be able to change a string or improvise if one broke during a set? Can I tune my instrument quickly? Have I written/learnt songs that I now know off by heart and am really passionate about? It’s a great idea to start small and maybe perform to some small audiences first such as open mic event and build up that stage presence and confidence to get out there. Once you’ve practiced what you plan to perform and prepared yourself by gaining some gig experience and made sure your instrument/voice is ready and in good condition, next you need to propose your idea. By this I mean you need to advertise and make it known that you’re either looking to join a band or starting one of your own. Ask musicians you already know, music teachers and use social media. 

• Build up your self-belief

Be prepared to face criticism, acknowledge that it is important to take on board constructive comments, but anything which is intentionally hateful or discriminatory, you must learn to let go of. Go into this band with a thick skin so those comments won’t go through. Write down any good comments and keep hold of any positive reviews left for you from any gigs you have performed. If you haven’t been able to do any small solo gigs, start posting music content online on a YouTube channel or TikTok, take in those positive comments, work on constructive feedback and delete hate.

• Get some social media up and running

Once you’ve got a band up and running and rehearsals are going well, make sure you have social media set up so you can share rehearsal footage, post gig information and let people get to know you! A Facebook page, Instagram and Twitter are key. As you grow, a Snapchat and TikTok may also come in handy!

• Don’t play down your femininity (If you don’t want to!)

If you’re the type of woman who loves to embrace your femininity, don’t feel you have to downplay the way you dress, act or look to be taken seriously or seen as ‘one of the guys’. Be 100%, authentically you and be unapologetic about your girly-ness. You can make incredible music, start mosh pits, make powerful, heavy riffs and still wear a pink dress if you wish. 

• Accept that sexism will happen, then flat out destroy it

I’m sorry, but it’s more than likely going to happen. Prepare yourself for it, don’t shy away and challenge it. Some people may be swayed by what you have to say, other people will simply not listen and will never be willing to change their ways. You just have to take pity on those people and continue to make the music you love, as it’s all that matters!

• Be proud of all achievements, no matter how small

Any achievement when you’re first starting out is a big achievement. Whether it be an offer from a new venue to perform there, getting a song played on local radio or writing your first song together as a band. Keep record of and share your achievements with the world, all of these little successes lead to bigger opportunities for more success.

• Always support your fellow sisters in bands

Girls support girls, always. Befriend and talk to fellow women at gigs. Give them some nice feedback on their set, follow each other's social media and share each other’s music. Not only can you make some great friends, but you will help the community of women in music to grow and be an encouraging space for future women to be a part of. The best thing of all, you could work on a collaboration together, helping to make each other known to your different sets of followers and fans. 

• Stay out of drama, but always stand up for yourself 

In a band there is pretty much always disagreement and drama, just look at bands like Fleetwood Mac or Paramore. But remember this; having drama in your band doesn’t make you a bad band, it makes you all human. Sometimes you will have creative differences and it can cause a lot of tension, sometimes relationships and friendships within a band can become complicated but it’s normal and you can work around it.  Try to stay out of it if it doesn’t involve you, however, if it’s directly insulting towards you or over an important creative decision you took, stand your ground! If there is persistent patronisation or rudeness, it may be better to leave and take your talent somewhere it is appreciated, even if that means going solo for a while.

• If you need help advice, ask another woman!

There are plenty of men in music to take advice from, and a lot of them give great advice! However, sometimes it is a good idea to seek out another woman who in your eyes is doing well and may be able to offer you some sound advice on whatever it is your struggling with. As you probably will already know, our opinions and advice is often brushed over, so seek out women and ask them for their help, they will more than likely have some incredible tips to offer you and because not many other people are willing to listen or asking, you get them all for yourself! It's a win-win.

• Educate your male band mates

If you’re finding things difficult or facing any misogyny, ask your band mates for support and educate them on how you feel and what they can do to help. If they are decent people, they will want to stick by your side and understand you. 

• Have fun and know that you are more than capable 

Last but not least, just have fun! Whether you want to take your hobby into a career or keep it as a side hustle, either way your choice is valid. Being in a band should be great fun, not only making music and performing but also you should want to spend time with each other. Spend some time together away from music; go for some drinks or a meal, have a night in and watch a film. Solid friendships within a band will help you to be able to support each other and grow. Don’t let yourself forget all your achievements (big and small) that you have made so far and remind yourself every day that you can do whatever you set your mind to.